So, I’m entering into my 3rd hour at Logan International Airport in Boston and since I had a feeling this was going to be a long day, I came prepared so I could share my experiences with all of you. I have to say that with all the ipods, phone apps, laptops, books, and magazines, the best entertainment for me are the people. Here are the top ten people I’ve encountered so far on my journey:
10) Nonstop talking chick: Okay, this woman hasn’t shut up since she got to the gate. She has something to say about everything and hasn’t stopped to take a breath. She’s talking about travel, real estate, friends from high school, interest rates, the economy, the stock market, shoes, EVERYTHING. So, I walked away just to get a break otherwise airport security was going to have to step in and “handle” me.
9) Nanna look alike: Okay, I’m serious, I’ve never seen someone look so much like my Nanna. It kind of freaked me out because I was like, “Nanna, how did you get out of the home? Do you know where you are? Do you know who I am? What brings you to the airport today?” But I held back and just watched from afar.
8) Elizabeth Grady: This little lady has been giving herself a facial since she sat down. I’m talking about full on moisturizing, tweezing, and she may have exfoliated her face at some point as well. She has a mirror that is lit up and, frankly, I was gonna ask her to shape my eyebrows when she got a second but since she was sitting next to # 10, I had to leave them both.
7) Speakerphone guy: So this dip thinks that everyone wants to hear his conversation so it doesn’t even occur to him that maybe he should turn the speakerphone option off. And the louder he goes the louder the person on the other side goes as well. It’s pretty awesome but even for me, the hearing impaired, it’s loud and annoying and needs to stop.
6) Rupaul: Okay, so I really can’t tell if this is a he, she, or she-male. He/She has the delicate features of a lovely lady but the lumbering gait and the deep voice of a macho man. Well, best of luck to him/her as he/she figures this out on their own.
5) Bono: He’s trying really hard to pull this look off, but it’s not working. The swept back hair, the five o clock shadow at 9am and the yellow sunglasses do nothing for him. Unless he’s going to entertain us with a rousing rendition of One or some hits from the Joshua Tree, he needs to tone it down and look into getting a make-under.
4) Mr. Mint Shirt: Remember the Andes candies that your grandmother used to keep at her house? Remember the bright green minty stuff in between the two thin layers of chocolate? Okay, that’s the color shirt this guy is wearing under his brown suit with a bright red tie. It’s just awful and makes me hurt to look at him.
3) Family Portrait: I kid you not, a family of four asked someone to take their picture in front of a trashcan in front of the restrooms. I guess the economy really is in the shitter if these are the kinds of memories that the American family has been reduced to making.
2) King of the Septic Systems: So, I’m sitting here and all of a sudden a phone rings and I hear what sounds to me like medieval horns playing to welcome the King to the jousting match. I look up and the guy who answers the phone is sporting an Amish beard (you know, Lincoln style with the beard only) and a sweatshirt for the company I am assuming he works for called Randolph Septic Systems. If we were playing poker, I’d call this a Royal Flush!
1) Mr. Zen: Finally, the guy that makes waiting for a flight worthwhile. After I moved away from Ms. Chatterbox (#10), I was close enough to overhear a delightful conversation between two very unlikely folks. A guy in a tshirt and trucker hat and a lovely lady who looked like she just walked out of Chico’s were having a conversation. He was lifting up his shirt and showing her the extensive scars he got during a motorcycle accident several years ago. He told her all about his many surgeries, metal plates in his head, steel in his knees, and the head trauma he suffered. He spoke in an uncomfortably loud tone of voice, likely a result of the head trauma for sure. She was a real champ listening with genuine interest and inserting the appropriate “ooh” and “oh my” when necessary. After he then explained how many painkillers he’s on regularly and then paused to make a few phone calls on his iphone with his earpiece, he tells her how he’s really a simple guy who doesn’t really believe in western medicine.
Well, while I may never make it to my destination, I sure am trying to enjoy the journey.