Sunday, January 31, 2010

A Real Proactiv Solution

It seems like the one thing everyone in Hollywood has in common is that they’ve all done a ProActive commercial. I mean, I find it hard to identify someone who HASN’T done of of these infomercials. From actresses from All My Children that no one has ever heard of to Avril Lavigne, it seems that “everyone” has a tragic story to tell about a zit they got once and how Proactive changed everything for them. Now, I can appreciate the average woman who goes on there and shows her pizza face and describes how hard it was for her to get through high school. I understand that if this product helped her that she wants to spread the word. But I do have a hard time sympathizing with the gorgeous actress who had one zit, one time, on one award show when she also had the benefit of an oscar-winning make-up artist and hair stylist covering it all up. If this company is looking for people that the average woman can relate to, they are missing the mark. We want normal people who have truly suffered, not the Hollywood version where they try to “relate” with their version of pain. I’d like to think that Kelly Clarkson, Jessica Simpson and Alicia Keys have committed to a daily skin regimen, but I find it a bit hard to believe. Next thing you know Kelly Ripa or Victoria Beckham will be the new spokeswomen for Jenny Craig. Some things just don’t go together. So, Proactiv, please go back to the testimonials from actual people who have actually suffered with bad skin and stop putting celebrities with clear complexions in your commercials and putting a CGI zit on their chin.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Why Can't Everything Be Made of Pretzel?

I'm in Switzerland for work and have been enjoying all kinds of food, from rosti to chocolates and everything in between. Now, my colleague and friend Goran has a taste for the more unusual foods like duck haunch, rabbit leg, pig knuckles, and chestnut vermicelli paste. YUCK!!! But I have to say that my friend Melissa introduced me to something so deliciously wonderful today that I just had to blog about it. She introduced, or shall I say REINTRODUCED me to the pretzel. Now, I've had pretzels in NY, Philly, and ballparks across the country, but there's something about the European pretzel that I can't quite compare. They have pretzels with Raclette, pretzels with meats and cheeses, and the piece de resistance: the hot dog pretzel. I savored every bite of this delectable delight and truly feel a sense of loss now that it's over. I'm seriously going to go into pretze l withdrawal after this trip. Does Promises have a program for pretzel addiction? Move over Lindsay Lohan, I'm checking in! Well, I don't know if a doctor can help me now, but one thing is for sure, I will be paying the Brezelkonig another visit before this trip is done!!!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Talk About Putting Your Foot In Your Mouth

It doesn’t seem to take long for a nice moment of mine to get ruined by something awkward. Well, it happened to me recently while I was getting a nice relaxing pedicure. After my feet had been massaged and I was getting ready for the pretty color I had chosen to be applied, my moment arrived. As the pedicurist slid my foot into the disposable flip flop, I remarked that I was glad they made them in my size. I don’t have ugly feet, I don’t have strange feet, but I do have large feet. I’m sporting about a size 10 nowadays so having a “one size fits all” shoe fit me is kind of a big deal. Anyways, the lady tells me that my feet aren’t all that big, but I need larger feet to support me because I’m so………..tall. Yeah, that’s right. My relaxing pedicure came to a screeching halt when I used every bit of self-control to stop myself from kicking her in the head. But I held it together and no one got hurt. Well, except for my ego. I’m glad she stopped herself before saying the word she was really thinking, but we both knew what that pause meant and, needless to say, this “tall” girl didn’t give her a “fat” tip!!!

Friday, January 15, 2010

A Corny Story

As some of you know, my mother stays with me at my condo a couple times of year because I live a mile from the campus she goes to for her MFA program and she has intensive sessions once per semester. We have the best time together and I look forward to having her here. She really makes herself at home and we can just let our hair down and laugh together, it really is the best relationship. The other night she did something which I still haven’t been able to describe to anyone without cracking up. So, I’m in the living room and here’s what happens:

Mom (from kitchen): Hey, you’ve got frozen fruit pops, yummy

Me (from living room): Feel free to help yourself to a popsicle.

Mom (from kitchen): Great, thanks!

Now both of us are in the living room but the lighting is dim. The importance of this will reveal itself shortly.

Mom: I don’t know if I’m gonna like this popsicle. I don’t know what flavor it is and it feels so heavy!

Me: What?

Mom: This popsicle looks weird, I don’t think I’m gonna like it.

Me (now looking up at Mom): That’s because you are about to lick a frozen corndog.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Straight Up Now Tell Me

The new season of American Idol is upon us and while it will inevitably contain some of the standard elements which make it entertaining, i.e. the crazy auditions, dramatic fights and debates over what defines “talent” and the totally drawn out process of separating singers into herds only to break their hearts, there will be one defining difference this season: no more Paula Abdul. No more slurring, no more crazy non-lucid moments, no more giving critiques on performances that haven’t happened yet, no more insane outfits, no more awkward flirting with Simon, no more statements like “your spirit soars with your notes and your individuality is something only you possess and you are a gift and a gift I like to get”, and no more stupid ugly jewelry that she gives all the contestants. But, dare I admit that I might miss it a little bit? Sure, I think she’s batshit crazy, but that’s part of her charm. For every valid piece of actual musical knowledge the other judges offer, Paula has offered something very special and that is that she offers the unexpected. You truly don’t know what she’s going to say next. You really don’t know if she’s going to keep it together during a ballad or if she’s gonna jump out of her seat and dance on disco night. You don’t know if she’ll give a comment having anything to do with the song she just heard and that’s what makes her so entertaining. So, while I welcome Ellen with open arms, I must say that I hold out hope that Paula has some sort of deal in the making where she will be back on tv somewhere because her kind of crazy is worth a small part of my DVR.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Not So Rockin' New Year's Eve

Dear Mr. Clark,

I appreciate that you have been on television for longer than most people have been alive and I do appreciate that New Year’s Rockin’ Eve is an annual tradition that you don’t want to miss. However, you had a severe stroke which we are so happy you’ve recovered from, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that things are a little “different” than when you hosted TVs Bloopers & Practical Jokes. Now, I’m not saying that you can’t be involved in television and I’m not even suggesting that you can’t make an appearance now and again. But I do think it’s time to give Ryan Seacrest, or whomever else you’d like, the reins on ringing in the New Year. I think it’s important that the person doing the countdown gets all the numbers right and I also think it’s important that we can clearly understand the numbers they are saying. While no one else is going to tell you this, I feel it’s important that someone be honest and tell you that it’s just really uncomfortable. I mean Dick, if I may call you Dick, you will always be a fixture and iconic symbol of the New Year’s countdown tradition, but I think it’s time you stop being the soundtrack to it.

I hope that 2010 continues to bring you good health and recovery as well as some new directions to take your career.

A Concerned Viewer